Embarking upon a journey into unknown territories, as many an experienced traveller will tell you, is riddled with trials and tribulations. The sheer joy of travelling and discovering new exoticisms generally outweighs those nagging inconveniences, but I thought it might be amusing to relate a few of the inconveniences one has to deal with before the journey commences.
Money: The root of all evil and the source of untold fun. No journey would be possible without it (unless you are one of the more creative members of my readership). The only problem is those foreign devils don't seem to be interested in our good old sturdy cash and prefer to trade for goods and services in their own flimsy currencies. This leads the merry traveller to the individual only hated slightly less than taxmen and politicians: The money changer. I'm not sure who decides on the magical number that appears on the wall of the money changers business like a cryptic cypher, but it certainly doesn't reflect the amount that the offical channels would have you believe we are worth (and in general, dear reader, it makes ones currency appear somewhat less valuable amongst our international peers). The drippy sod behind the counter then demands an exorbanant fee for the privelage of changing your currency at a ridiculously low rate. Really, the Continentals had the right idea with the Euro.
Weight Allowance: "Excuse me sir - is this were I checkin my travelling trunk?" "What do you mean it's too heavy? Surely you don't expect me to go on holiday and leave my entire back collection of 'The Chap' magazine behind? Absolutely scandalous".
I do believe that in the future if we don't stand up for our rights we may be limited to one change of clothes and a battered copy of HQ to share amongst six passengers.
"But I need my portable martini set!!"
Security Checks: Need I say more? The thought of being rubbed down by a ruffian just to prove I have no ill placed thoughts about the destination of the plane is really intolerable. They could just ask. I would lie of course, largely on principle.
The sign reads: Security checks are mandatory, and jokes will be treated as serious by staff
Well, if one has to check their sense of humour in with the luggage I do think we are all in for an unpleasant journey.
Children: Don't get me wrong - I love the little ankle biters (in a purely platonic way of course). I just don't like other peoples children. There should be a special cargo hold just for small children. It would be just like a large nursery where they can be placed to "sleep off" the journey.
Immigration: No. I do not have anything to declare, apart that I'm tired and hungry and have been standing in this accursed line for over an hour. If I had something illegal I would not show it to you anyway. Oh? You would like me to come into the backroom would you? Very well...
Airline safety: I do feel so much more secure in the knowledge that I have a life vest stowed under my seat. On the off chance that the plane falls out of the sky, I'm sure I would much rather disembarking the plan at a few thousand feet with a parachute than to wait for it to hit the ground.
Airports: Just being in an airport raises the price of everything by 15%. I deduce its in order to get you used to the idea of paying ridiculous prices wherever you go, just because you are a tourist.
But these are just mere trifles. If time permits I may create an entry on the tibulations of travel
Stay tuned, I'm smoking a kipper for you.
